Can I just be done?

I just want to be done, done with everything. The one thing that bothers me the most is the fact that people are acting as if I'm not trying hard enough to make everything, even if just a little, bit easier for everyone. At this point, I'm trying my hardest, I'm trying to push myself really hard just so I can keep my grades up I just really want to quit right now, though. You knew college was what happened after high school, everyone does, you really think I would have tried so hard otherwise? Please don't act like I sprung the idea of college out of nowhere on you, the time to start saving for college should have been years ago, not the same year I'm supposed to go to college. I know I have no right to pass judgement on you as parents, but just as you want me to see how hard you both try to keep us with a house and our basic necessities, I also want you both to see how hard I try to get these scholarships, yes, its not so obvious that I'm struggling with all the classes I'm taking, please, I'm begging, just for once, all the bragging you're doing in front of other people, please show me how proud you are, show me that you do believe that the classes I'm taking are the hardest ones I could take...because ever since high school started I haven't felt that. Specially when you couldn't understand that I was not just given my classes, I had to decide which classes I would take, and as hard as it was for me to pick AP and Honors classes, I still did it in hopes of receiving scholarships. I did it for me and for you. I didn't want you to have to pay too much just for me to get into a good college, and I'm sorry if it doesn't seem that way, but I did and I do try really hard. Right now, Albright is the best I can do, can't we ask for help? Can't Auntie Relly or Auntie Dory help? I know its asking for a lot, but its not like I won't pay them off in the end, everyone always tells me to ask for help, but why can't you tell me to do that, or why can't you think of doing just that? You say people should offer to help, but really, why can't we ask for their help? Family is supposed to help each other out, right? Both sides of the family are somewhat bigger than normal families, and both sides can help, in fact, both sides have helped out someone in their studies, can it be my turn?
The worst part of it is that I actually believed you were willing to invest in me and my capabilities, the worst part of it is that I got my hopes up, I thought that yes, my parents finally realized that this is one of the cheapest ways of getting me through college, and then things went back to nothing. You don't understand that saving for two years is not the same as saving for four years. In the long run, I will be more in debt! In the long run, I will not get anywhere because I won't have the same opportunities as I would have had I gone to a four year college right off the bat.


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