Today

So there is this new guy in school, and I've always wanted to be the kind of person the new kids can go to if they needed help with whatever, so when he came to my school, I was elated. This guy was nice enough to actually talk to me in a sincere way that you know he's not just doing it for your benefit. I thought we were "clicking" but I didn't want to get my hopes up at all, he could just be really friendly, right? (All the other guys who I have thought I was close to, were really just too nice to tell me to go away). It turns out, yes he probably is just really friendly, he didn't see us "clicking."  I wanted things to progress in a normal way honestly, be friends and then if there really was anything, and then it will happen in due time, I have all the time in the world, I've been waiting for so long, why not wait a little more, right? Apparently not, my friends, when they found out that this guy and I may or may not have been getting along pretty well, wanted to ask him if he would go to prom with me. I appreciate the thoughts they went through for my benefit, and honestly I wasn't really against it, if I really wanted to, I could have just yelled at them to stop, but naive little me had a tiny little hope that all would go well and he would actually say that he has been meaning to ask me. I am really not courageous when it comes to the opposite sex, their opinion of me matters very highly to me, if a guy thinks I'm not at all attractive, it will ruin my day, week, or month, depending on how much the guy matters to me...sadly. It shouldn't be that way, but it is. I definitely didn't want to seem like the desperate girl, as low as my self-confidence can get, I'm a Nicdao, and I have a lot of pride. I refuse to be seen as the girl who needs to make someone pity her just so she can have a date, though it might just turn out that way soon...hi to my sister-in-law's nephew haha jk. Today when he talked to me in art, and when we were supposed to be drawing the still life, I couldn't do anything but sit there and think about what my friends were getting into my head, "he went out of his way to find out my opinion, he has brought prom up in conversations we have, he's been staring at you the whole period! etc." I couldn't help but be the stereotypical high school girl who fell for the guy so easily. I was doing so well, until today. I did like the feeling of not knowing what he would say, as much as I said I "hated" my friends for asking the guy for me, I was excited and giddy. I really thought that it could work out. The Troy-Gabriella scenario could happen to me, yeah right. I don't regret having my friends be the way they are, but I dislike the fact that I let everything get to me and I'm terrified that things would just get really awkward between the two of us now. 

         In a way, I'm kind of happy that he didn't say anything, specially because I would have gone to prom thinking that he might have just felt forced to go with me. I hate not knowing how significant I am to a person. As cliche as it may sound, I also really wanted to be asked, not to be the one doing the asking....I'm a real romantic at heart, what can I say?

I also can't believe how people make situations awkward so easily...I was trying to ask one of the few guy friends I have about a class he had, when another friend of mine screamed, "Why isn't this happening, why aren't the two of you going to prom together?" This guy friend of mine isn't really that close to me, we're  only close when we're in class, I don't tell him anything going on in my life. I don't tell too many people what really goes on in my life now but still, this guy and I didn't need to be screamed at about going to prom together. How can prom come up in my life so many times in one day? 

Comments

Anonymous said…
hmm. no no no this is not happening! my little sister is now a lady!!! Oh how time flies... he he he
Don't worry too much sister! I'm not being biased but you are very pretty. They just don't know that. Are you familiar with the story "The beautiful Swan? haha im not sure if that's the tittle. hehe
Just think positive thoughts! Believe that you are and you will become.
Miss you!!!
Chariz said…
Haha thanks...are you talking about "The Ugly Duckling" ? If you are, I'm still a duckling haha. Miss you too and I have been positive lately, unless you're talking about school that is nothing but negative haha I got my first C in my report card :(
Anonymous said…
Yeah that's it!!! I became a beautiful swan at the age of 21 Lols, not that I transformed or had a surgery. what I meant is I felt very pretty when i met Benjie. I guess it has something to do with inspiration.
Chariz said…
I guess haha I have mixed feelings about exactly when I will really feel beautiful, is it when I learn how to really put make up on, or will that make it worse, because I feel like I have to put on make up just to look pretty?
Anonymous said…
No not necessary, it just comes out naturally, it's a kind of glow where not even make up can achieved. You'll see what I mean when you fall in love

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