Flood Gates of Truth Released

Tonight was definitely unexpected. Everything that was said to other people concerning my family was all mostly new to me. It would have been refreshing if a lot of it was positive. Seriously, it was as if unwanted feelings of bitterness entered my body. I found myself trying to stick up for someone even though it was obvious that I would never win. It felt like a mission to make that someone seem just a little better. For her benefit and also somehow to make myself feel a little better, to not make it seem like half of my life was a lie(Sounds super melodramatic, I know, but its exactly how I feel right now). Or misconceptions really, since no one really lied, they just never told me anything that was even close to the truth but I couldn't blame them, I didn't really ask too many questions. It didn't bother me that other people were finding out about this just as I was, it just feels like I need both sides of the story, everything happens for a reason right? I want to know what drove people to do what they did and still do. I found myself trying not to cry a lot, no matter how much I hear the stories, I don't think my reaction will change, these are people who I have respected for all my life, it sucks that I have to find out this way and be expected to take it like nothing important or as life changing was announced. I understand someone better now and why she feels the way she does, but I don't want to be as jaded as she is, I want to still respect these people the way I have all my life. All my life I have rejoiced in the fact that my family was a little more close to perfect than other families now. Of course there are others that seem like the perfect family but I loved mine nonetheless and only found myself wanting to be a part of a different family every once in a while(this is the part where you're supposed to laugh...I can't stand too many depressing things right now.) I just want to be able to talk to someone about this, and blogger is the only place I can go to right now, the person I used to tell everything to doesn't really care, he was just being nice, but of course I would do everything just for him to prove me wrong...how messed up am I? Please don't answer that haha
       I seriously do want to hear from anyone who has read this, no matter if you just skipped right to the ending, or even if you didn't finish because I bored the crap out of you...I want your feedback!! Please, to those in Germany, Alaska and other places in the U.S. who seem to have seen my blog, share your thoughts, I don't want to feel too alone


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