Feeling like an idiot...

A friend of mine and I were talking about the fact that in less than a month, we will both be off to college in different states, and I told him how much I wanted to see him again and I wanted to see everyone who went to my graduation party too, so he decided that we could have a little barbecue and pool party at his house. Although we are quite close, I still felt weird asking him if I could invite certain people, certain people who I know he doesn't really agree with me being friends with, though he, himself, gets along with this person pretty well, he just tells me he doesn't like how unimportant I am to her, but how much of a best friend I think of her, and I kind of understand, even I know how relevant I am in her life. What used to be a mutual kind of relationship just became me trying, and then we both tried, but nothing is the same now, and I know it will never be the same. We grew up, I understand that as well, she found someone she "clicked" with more, but I kept wanting to be her friend, her closest friend still, but things just can't go how we want them. Anyway, sorry for getting out of topic, she found out a few days before the party about the party, and because I didn't really feel like I had a right to, I didn't ask my friend if I could invite her...The day before the party, yesterday, my friend and I were food shopping for the party, and I told him about her finding out, and he said that I should have known that I was free to invite anyone I wanted to, too bad I found out  a little too late, but honestly, it did kind of, in a sick way, make me feel a little empowered, for once, I wasn't the one who was on the outside, the one who wasn't invited. It wasn't worth it though, knowing myself how badly it hurts to feel left out way too much, I texted her today to tell her that she was welcome to stop by at the party when she wanted to, but instead of just saying no, she really gave me attitude, and turned everything on me. It hurts so much, so much more than it probably should...she said my invite, since it was late, was a pity invite. Seriously? I invited you because I wanted you to be there, but okay, whatever. and then you tell me that you felt like an idiot because my cousin asked you if you were going and you weren't invited...get real, I've had to go through so many of those circumstances but you haven't heard it from me. Judea and I wouldn't have judged you anyway, thanks for trusting in us, I thought you meant it when you said you thought I wasn't as judgmental as others...so much for that...if you felt like an idiot going through this one time, what would you call me?


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