Lately, I have been feeling as if my best friend and I have lost our closeness...This feeling has even made me think whether or not it was just me who thought we were close, or perhaps hoped we were? Is it because we lost what we had in common, was it because our sisters also lost their friendship as well? I'm aware that that was the sole reason she and I became friends, her sister and my sister but I thought that over the years we have been able to create a separate kind of relationship from the two of them. Although it was always fun having the four of us together, I thought that the separation of our sisters wasn't going to affect us...Maybe it's all in my head, maybe I'm just not used to not knowing about things until everyone else does, perhaps its because it has been like this for a while. Perhaps its because she was the only one who told me things first, every other friend I had had other friends as well, best friends actually. I realized that I myself have stopped telling you things first, I have found myself telling everyone and then you actually, but I have always just blamed it on the fact that we don't see each other enough throughout the day, but honestly, I feel like my lab partner knows more about me than you now do. Its sad really because I have realized that talking nonstop has been a way for me to not feel insecure, I don't like silence so I choose to talk, even if I know the person I'm talking to can care less. Well, I like to think that I still have some pride that I don't do that as much as someone else I know of. Having people know a lot about me has given me the hope that perhaps after finding out what happens to me on a daily basis, they will be forced to like me. How wrong I am. I guess I need to learn to stop talking, maybe I should have gave that up for Lent instead. I also need to stop over thinking, which is also another reason why I tend to talk a lot, because I over think things when its silent. Maybe now could be the start of what I always wanted to do, not approach anyone to see how much people will miss me? Perhaps talk less so people will appreciate it when I do talk, think before I talk really and I need to stop trying so hard to make other people like me. I am who I am right? What else can I do? Right now I just need someone new to really judge and criticize me without bias. I know I will probably dislike that person when I first meet them but hopefully I will come to realize how much they can help me, now if only that person can come soon!


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