Overload of feelings
I just have so much emotions, but I wouldn't mind redoing that day the way it turned out. I definitely wouldn't mind changing a few things here and there, but if I had to relive it exactly the way it was, I wouldn't mind. I can't say that if I had the chance to redo it that I wouldn't want to change anything, I may like cliches, but I don't always think in cliches. I know people often say that they wouldn't change a thing, or they would willingly do things again and again, but I just can't. I guess that's just the pessimist in me,but obviously I treasure the great moments as well.
I woke up pretty early that day, not knowing when my day was going to start, all I knew was that it was going to end with me and Maria, but Nick and I didn't really have a chance to plan things out prior to that day. If only I had known about the Soccer game that was on, I wouldn't have let myself get so excited so early in the morning. I wouldn't have gotten into that fight with my mom if I had just kept sleeping, I wouldn't have looked so made up either. The knowledge that I was going to be waiting for a soccer game would have probably made me not want to go though. Not only was he only willing to be with me until 5, the game didn't end until 3. I know 2 hrs. is a lot, but it was just so short...it was just so typical. so like our relationship. just something in the middle of things he has that are more important. soccer before hanging out with me, and hanging out with his other friends after. I guess what hurts the most about the last part is that I may be the one he knows far longer, but I'm the one who gets 2 hrs. where they get 5 hrs with him, and of course, Jess is part of that entourage. I've always known where I was in his list of priorities, but it just hurt more then and now because he couldn't make an exception. It was always me who had to try to make exceptions. The worst part has to be that I can't even really and I shouldn't really have these feelings. I am nothing to him, but he really actually means a lot to me.