grandmom :)

grandma, i was never the one grand daughter that liked to show my love for you and i totally regret that now. i was never sweet to you like i should have been. you are the only grandmom that i got to know, i should have taken every chance i had to bond with you but i didnt. i dont want to sound so regretful but its the way i feel right now lola i love you <3 and i always will i will always remember those days we had, those days at the hospital and when i had the chance to stay with you for part of my summer. I knew that your time would not be so far from now but i didnt expect it to be so soon i wish i would have said more things to you when i had the chance, i wasn't sure that you were listening those last few minutes we had, but i dont know i just couldnt do it im sorry.

lola buri kung sabyan keka sorry para kareng eganganang gewa ku sorry kasi ali ku masyadong appreciative keka since balu ku na atin kang favorite kekaming mipinsanpinsan me alang gana nakung makipag close keka this was the dumbest thing i have ever done so far...thank you rin lola para kareng eganaganang gewa mu para kaku tchaka keng pamilya ku. lola i wanted you to be proud of me and when you didnt show that you were i didnt get that upset i must say pero i know in myself that i would have been way prouder if you showed that you were proud of me because i actually achieved something but that is so hard to do in such a big family as i am slowly coming to realize. it sucks but its the truth...its the only thing that i have actually learned to accept in my life. there is nothing special about me, there never was, i cant play an instrument even if my life was on the line, i cant sing for my life, i dont play sports, im not that smart, i cant cook, the only thing i can do better than anyone is be clumsy. im not that pretty and obviously my grammar sucks and i hate punctuations specially if its just something as unread as my blog making this blog i realize is also pointless, its not like anyone will actually read it, and if anyone will read it, they will get bored easily
lola im sorry i got off topic, but honestly speaking lola i miss you
i never liked it when you called me charito but the day i hear you call me charito again will be one of the best days in my life you have left us all in despair you have left us in such a state that we will never get out off, but we will try very hard to let go :) we want you to rest in peace lola we dont want to keep you from having your well deserved rest with god. lola you have made the nicdao family so much closer than it could ever be, and it will be very hard to get out of it. i hope you will understand that i dont think i will last in new jersey long, i see myself in the future in some other country doing something i love i see myself as the independent person you wanted everyone in your family to be


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